Debris

I don't understand
Though you had let go of my hand
I had hoped that by letting go
That eventually your love would show
Though now I realize
That I was waiting for our demise
You ran out of love
And I suffer in your drought

The questions are a plague
My self-worth turns vague
I feel inadequate
It's a lie to say that I'm great
Trying to hang on to me
Though at the moment I'm just debris
It hurts that you didn't try
You didn't feel me when I cried

All of our dreams
They now seem to me unclean
Pictures painted black
It hurts most to just look back
I don't fully understand
Why you let go of my hand
I too was alone
And now I'm turning into stone

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Incomplete

Wanting to cry is like wanting to throw up
Nobody wants to but we all feel better for it afterwards
There is also nothing worse than the nausea of tears
Feeling my face preparing for the waterfall, though not granted such relief
The reason for the emotion being of course that the physical does not match the mental state of me
My mind sees me holding you, hugging you and basking in your warmth
My skin feels empty and cold and nothing at all and this is in dissonance with me
When I close my eyes I am kissing you, licking you, biting you, tasting you
But my lips remain dry and even the sweetest food tastes bland instead
A thousand times I have imagined the smell of your hair, your skin and you
The air instead is acidic and pungent and even sweet fragrances leave me without opinion
This is why I want to cry
Because though I am with you, I am completely without you
The tears sit behind a dam, creating a sense of nausea, as if to further my dissonance with myself
Where my mind is crying but my body refuses to comply
The onion ninjas spite me by not coming to my rescue
I am where you aren't and I feel like the store sign with one letter missing that never gets fixed
Incomplete