In The Darkness

In the darkness
Secrets whispered
We cannot see
But we know we are heard
Hold your breath now
It ain't over
I'm not the one
To call you my girl

Let go of your pretenses
You know that I'm defenseless
Take from me no more advances
Yeah I wish to exist in the light and not the darkness

Sink my teeth in
Fingers wander
What do I need?
What do I deserve?
Hold it in dear
Our little secret
Yeah we are fine
We've got no regrets

Lighthouse

Sailing towards the shore
In your ship, out at sea
You saw her standing there
A lighthouse shining free

Claimed her light for yourself
For the life of your ship
In your pride you didn't believe
You would one day take the hit

As her light waned amidst cries
For her ruins you did not care
As you sailed away in your ship
She was not in good repair

One day her light faded out
While her feelings you did mock
In your pride you did not see
Your ship crash on the rocks

Now her light shines free
Brighter than ever before
She belongs to no one
Though she guides another to shore

©Rahul Chidambaran 2017

Going Back

This hunger is so very strange
Like my soul hasn't fed in so many days
All the moments that have led
To this time and to this place

Can't parade my wood and steel string
All the notes in my head that do not sing
Bring me back to the stage
I need to get out and do my thing

I have to shake my head when it contains you
Though you never reached out, the thoughts continue
Is my silence a result of my ego?
All I have is my solitary point of view

Right now I have neither this nor that
All out of love, like a tree with no sap
Maybe that's why I am so hungry these days
Gotta feed my soul, gotta head back

(c) Rahul Chidambaran 

Effortless

Every day is another step 
Finding peace within myself
For though it hurts to think of you
Of all that we'd never do
Reality decides to be inaccurate
Trying to get me to be irate
Leaving the dream of you 
Somehow I feel like nothing's true
Every day is another step forward
Save for the need to step backward

(c) Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Patchwork Heart

I've done it again 
Put my heart on the slab
Butcher knife in hand 
I didn't think that I could 
Though now I know that I can 
I clean my dirty lenses
A futile effort 
Because perhaps they're broken
And that's why I have no foresight
It doesn't matter though at the end
I'm just a silly man 
My heart I've failed to defend
Now it begins 
Stitching back together my patchwork heart
Soon it will be time again 
To put my heart on the slab
Butcher knife in someone else's hand

(c) Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Autumn Romance

Leaves that drift to the ground
Over fall, turning red, yellow and brown
Veils that part to show your face
Each day basking in your embrace

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

House of Cards

A relationship is like a house of cards
It is hard to tell who supports whom
Like her head resting on his shoulder
And his head resting on her head
If she is his strength, how is he her pillar?
Scientists would solve the energy crisis if they could work out those figures
But then there comes a time or a few, if you're lucky
And from the delicate balance of card supporting card
One of you becomes a wall
A rock strong enough to take it all
An immovable mountain standing resolute to the earthquakes
Biding time until you both can say "piece of cake"
Until finally when the dust settles
And with the air clear, you sift through the rubble
Find each other at the end of the day
Build your house of cards once again

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Keep Calm

Take my breath away
I don't want it back
In your eyes hold me sway
Until the day I fade to black
Once again I see dreams
Of special days and more
Reign in my hope-steed
Dreams that I adore
Calm down the heart's flutter
Fireworks in my brain
There are words I dare not utter
Oh how I must restrain

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

The Ragged Skull

Short on height but tall on style
Spitting words that go for miles
Brother of mine, partner in rhyme
You've gone now, at your time
I've got this groove you gotta hear
Bob our heads, drink our beers
Laugh at all the silly jokes
Seeing dreams and getting stoked
While I am sad that you're gone
It's teaching me that I gotta stay strong
They say "it's just life you know"
I just hate to see you go
The last thing I remember though
We said "I'm gonna miss you bro"
This one's for you to remember by
These words are yours to never die
There will never be another one
Never another Ragged Skull

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Incomplete

Wanting to cry is like wanting to throw up
Nobody wants to but we all feel better for it afterwards
There is also nothing worse than the nausea of tears
Feeling my face preparing for the waterfall, though not granted such relief
The reason for the emotion being of course that the physical does not match the mental state of me
My mind sees me holding you, hugging you and basking in your warmth
My skin feels empty and cold and nothing at all and this is in dissonance with me
When I close my eyes I am kissing you, licking you, biting you, tasting you
But my lips remain dry and even the sweetest food tastes bland instead
A thousand times I have imagined the smell of your hair, your skin and you
The air instead is acidic and pungent and even sweet fragrances leave me without opinion
This is why I want to cry
Because though I am with you, I am completely without you
The tears sit behind a dam, creating a sense of nausea, as if to further my dissonance with myself
Where my mind is crying but my body refuses to comply
The onion ninjas spite me by not coming to my rescue
I am where you aren't and I feel like the store sign with one letter missing that never gets fixed
Incomplete

Skin on Skin

Bodies surround
Skin on Skin
Where my sweat ends and yours begins is a mystery that doesn't bother me
Skin flushed with the blood that came rushing to meet my lips
Pulsing with the same anticipation of your lips against mine
If I haven't made you blush by now, I am not doing my job right
For I want to climb that mountain with you and ride the waves out to the shores of our afterglow
As with the end of every ride and water slide, I want to do it again
Skin on Skin, I want to be the explorer discovering new territory on you
Planting flags with kisses all over you and claiming the land as mine
I said once that I want to be the piece of cloth that drapes you
Now I say that I want to be within you, a part of you, one half of the same creature

Bodies surround
Skin on Skin
Where my sweat ends and yours begins
At best your landscape is a mystery
Skin on skin
I want to consume you within

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Story of My Life

Do you feel the feeling sinking
Smiles that we wear for each other
Masks to tears that breakthrough
Is this how life must be?
Like they say, story of my life
To find that the perfect hand to fit my heart is one that can't
Am I doomed to loose my love always?
My heart unable to keep it's treasures
Not you too. Not this again.
Yet I must stand on principle.
Stand upon beliefs and standards set by me
Goals learnt from stories and songs
A fairytale that has no place here
Here the good guy doesn't win
Here I am riding in the rain yet again
Riding cold and wet and alone yet
Remind me once again what it means to exist.
For some reason this could be just as bad
For some reason I could turn out worse

Back here again

Why do I write?

I forget sometimes. I write to let it out. These emotions that find their place on these digital pages.

And here they remain, etched in digital space, where I forget them. Why worry when it's out of my system? Right?

But then I forget. The feelings come back. The strongest ones always do. Like you. My strongest one yet.

Feeling like having my soul ripped apart from my body and put back in repeatedly.

Wondering why this skin feels alien and realizing that it is because it hasn't touched yours.

Then I have you. You who reads these words. Not once, but as many times as you do.

So as I am out there pulling out my hair and bordering on another bout of insanity, your hand appears on my shoulder.

Like a beacon that knows me and my words, you lead me back to what I once wrote.

Like a voice that reminds me, "hey, you've been here before"

I've been here before. I'll be back here again, until I feel alright, until I have the certainty of you in my arms. Till the day I fall into you falling into me, I'll be back here again. An exploding implosion.

Visibly invisible. Living dead. I'll be back here again.

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Pocket Friend

Breathing slowly as the violins play
Awaiting the call of the matter today
Music drives into highs and lows
Beats I play out with my toes

If I had you in my pocket or in my ear
I would not be alone with you so near
Saying things that make me smile
No one knowing the reason why

Now though you are far far away
As my muse you are still in my space
These words they bask in your sun
Though they just want to make your heart run

Questions

All these questions in your head
Your head in my hands I cradle
With these thoughts I fall to bed
Would you and I be fatal?

Ignorance is bliss until you breathe
Open our eyes to see what's real
Dreams are great but we must feed
Our brains need as much as our hearts feel

Little wounds that cut on your heart
Tears fall as if they seek to soothe
Inevitable we would have had to start
Lean on me, I won't be rude

Of all the questions there is the one
On a day when discomfort wins
Shoots like a bullet from a gun
Revealing your empty tins

Question to which you know the answer
The answer is forever eternal
I love you even if we sever
Your heart in my hands I cradle

Ineffective Words

What do I write?
How do I take these feelings and run them through my word machine only to find out that the machine is broken.
As if you are every breath that I have ever taken and the thought to which I awaken.
I force myself to find new words to describe this only because I feel like I haven't done it justice yet. And I don't want to.
I want to spend the rest of my days trying and then just almost failing to get these words perfect.
There are so many ways in which you are beautiful but I sometimes decide to feel a little good about myself and say that the most beautiful thing about you is how you see me. For you are my mirror in so many ways, reflecting and echoing me except that you take me by surprise in your reflection of me.
I also hope that when you see your reflection in me that it is accurate in its depiction of supernovas and swirling galaxies spinning around and coming to a stop as time froze for that millisecond and then continued. This is how I feel when I see you, like I might never see something that makes me this happy again. That I would do anything to be the piece of cloth that drapes you.
So as you hit the road this morning, ask me for a reading, as I tell you ineffectively how much I love you once again.

The Theory of Everything (almost)

Beyond the theory of relativity
Crossing the bonds of time
In your eyes I see family
In your eyes I see mine

This truth does not make sense
Orbit around this black hole
Not falling into the dense
Not falling into our home

To embrace and spin you around
I commit to my patience
Until under our feet the same ground
Until we can too dance

At a time when I loved my fort
Look how far we've come
Learning how to teleport
Yearning to share a sun

Song in the wind

In ways that I had given
Never expected the return
Then I heard her singin'
About how her heart burned

Heard it the first time
Then again a second
Before I wrote this rhyme
Third and fourth I gave in

Voice from far far away
A sound sent for me
Blame me not for how I sway
I know now how this feels

I know these words are read
They find eyes aquamarine
I know what the song meant
Your feelings are mine

Breathing Clean

Like the air that blows softly,

She is stronger than she knows

Yet soft she is and heavenly,

Fonder this heart grows

On a whim to her I promise

To heal myself on whole

Childish hope of her kiss

The heart is beating bold

On my path to breathing clean

I have failed already twice

I now have renewed my steam

With the sound of her voice

Like the water that flows around me

She calms my spirits down

Yet power she is deadly

I cannot let her down

Red

My muse of sorrow has left me
I hope she never returns
Muse of fire, I found thee
For you my heart does burn

You and I, our love historical
So said the knowing Oracle
Somehow you already know
That I will never let go

Hold now my open hand
Can you feel my heart expand?
Come on now, let us walk
Our eyes shine in the dark

From my murky deep
Once again, I feel
You see and don't turn away
With me you do sway

It was you I heard all along
While I played the same old songs
Say those words once again
I gladly swallow your pain

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011