Vices and Explosions

Quitting my vices

Like one last goodbye 

Like one last kiss 

One more "I love you"

Something about it that is so attractive 

Even with all the warning signs 

Yet the obsession with feeling good 

With something that isn't 

From cigarettes to junk food 

It always crosses the mind that I shouldn't have 

It is as if danger sits quietly in my blind spot 

Sitting with the smile of evil patience

The kind that accompanies slow death 

My determination to stand resolute

In the face of the hard slap that comes in slow motion 

Even though I know I can move and duck this at any time 

But instead of getting up and walking away I sit right there 

Sitting across from death on the other couch staring back 

As if willing him to get to me sooner 

Leap across the room and sink his teeth into my neck 

Only pausing to say "you had your chance"

Death doesn't flinch however 

In his slow, yet finite evil patience 

Choosing instead to see if I have the will to get away

Get up off my couch and walk away 

No last goodbyes to my vices 

Not pulled back for one more deathly kiss

Instead, set it alight and walk away 

Without looking back

Because cool guys don't look at explosions

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Dyslexic Mime

Torturous it would seem

Live the way we do

Remedy this with what

Hold on my dear

Taking a vaccine hurts

So does not taking it later on

Pain is inevitable

But happiness is a possibility

Writing dischords of rhymes

Feeling like a dyslexic mime

Tomorrow brings rocky starts

Home is an idea I don't have

Unlucky the son of lucky

To be loved but never had

In the end there isn't one

As in the beginning none

Sticks and stones they

Broke my bones see

But words oh how they did me

Scabs of my mind still itching

Find it in his heart frantic

Future remains unsteady balance

Sunsets melt down into nothing

Dark exists without something

Hanging on gossamer thread
Breathing clean mission dread
This ones for me but you can see
I burn on the inside like tobacco indeed

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

Tripping In The Dark

Spoil me for the world
Soiled now every word
All faces sporting masks
Falling graces slippery grasp

They moved away in my dark
Lights now on in empty room
Then and now dissonance stark
Swept up in witches' broom

Hunger grows for new game
The heart though not tame
Looking around for the start
Tripping In The Dark

Serious Joke

It is fun to joke
And every line is a poke
We laugh to make light
For now it feels right

Every word heavy with meaning
Are you serious? Am I dreaming?
I reply with equal intent
You laugh like it's pretence

As we ride at breakneck speed
The lines are thin indeed
Between "you and me" or "us"
Dare I ask, love or lust?

Is this a meant to be?
We should wait and see
Would you wait until then,
To sign papers in pen?

Perhaps we are just friends
Maybe I'll get to see you again
You seem to be perfectly nice
How do you feel about this rhyme?

A fine ramble

We've come a long way from the time of the one love.
Today we may have several loves
Like changing fashions to fit our style

What exists now that didn't back then?
The feeling hasn't gone away for sure
Every time it feels real
Every time you think this could be the one
The chase is fun, but for how long?

One day you will want to just hold her/him and say "I'm not going anywhere if you're not!"
Hopefully it is not too late by then
If you can look into their eyes and feel that this right here is amazing, that's more than many can hope for.
To give that up for the endless chase is a stupid thought in itself. Even the thought that this could end at anytime is something more powerful than we realise. The pain of the loss of love is mistaken for a risk not worth taking.
That pain is beautiful and is an exceptionally powerful feeling to connect to. It is simultaneously as powerful as the love you feel, which you probably think is the only feeling you need/want to have.

It would be fine if as a species, we lived alone forever, but that is not how we are built. In this sense, being human is like being an artist. An artist feels like he/she is one when he/she has his/her audience. In the same way, we feel human and are connected to our human emotions the most when we have someone to share ourselves with. From our best to our worst, we see ourselves in the mirror of that someone. It is also this vulnerability that freaks us out to keep on the chase.

I could go on. I feel like I am just rambling on at this point. All I guess I'm trying to say here is that I do not want to be motionless on the account of fear. I don't want to run away either.


Pardon me, sometimes I talk a lot.

Exhaled Fogs

You hold my hand but you don't know
What it means to me I don't show
What it means to breathe and not grow
Why the world does move so very slow

I know you look but you don't see
I react quite constantly
I prefer to live in my make believe
Here there are no fallen trees

Would you come with me to the other side
A place where you and I can hide
A space were we don't have to decide
A time when we have never lied

Of course now that is wishful thinking
What's real is this feeling sinking
I am alone and slowly blinking
Far from me you are shrinking

You are welcome to enter my illusion
Your being here is no intrusion
Your being near there's less confusion
The air is clear and there's no pollution

Sick of moving with the mob
Bored of smiling at the job
I refuse to sit down and sob
Got my eye on the door knob

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011

Reborn

If you're living in the present
Then you'll find me in the past
If you're looking to the future
You know it ain't gonna last
For we always come back just to be reborn
Give into the night and fade to the dawn

It's just another test yet again
And the sword never wins over the mighty pen
You're holding back from running wild
Your freedom was lost to you when you were a child

You take a little bite of my soul
Slowly making me lose control
In your hands you hold the leash
Will you let loose this crazy beast?
For we always come back just to be reborn
Give into the night and fade into the dawn

Would you take back what you said?
Do you still sing inside my head?
I'm just a man with a little hope
Please don't push me down the steep slope
I could hold you to my heart
For an exit don't you make no start
Sit beside me for a little while
Just for a laugh and a little smile

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011

Two Words, Deca Verse

Political correctness
Awkward anxiousness
Fleeting hopes
Slippery ropes

Dark thoughts
Best forgot
Your heart
Abstract art

Fall free
Make believe
So true
No clue

Feel fresh
Flesh carress
Mind numb
Loaded gun

Pretty star
Miles apart
No gain
Vain vein

You stay
Far away
Knowing eyes
No surprise

Fool's gold
Neurotically bold
What God
Condescending nod

Quick freeze
Soul squeeze
Move now
Raised brow

Swing through
Screamin' blues
Lucky twice
No dice

Passing thoughts
Exhaled fogs
Mind unquiet
Tiny riot

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011

From where talent

Unknown surely real

Feel surreal

On top is the poem that got me this award. Below the award is my acceptance Haiku. I nominate Rachel for the next Perfect Poet award. Thank you Promising Poets Parking Lot.

Go Figure

Your stars have changed they say
"So what?" I ask, if I may...
Can we really put our faith in a photograph of a million-year-old yesterday
Can it really predict what's happening this Friday
Even if it did, I would make sure that changed, so really, no way

No pain, no gain
So true when you do gain pain

Not much more to say or type
Can't force my hand to write what's not right
They say I've got to keep goin'
If I want to wake up dreamin'
It is hard though to force these thoughts
I guess this is some place I've got to start

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011