Limbo

Discomfort and discontent
In the darker corners of my gray cells
All the fears and follies
My life refuses to ever make sense
I'd open up and say it loud
But for the fear of talking to myself
I'm not here or even there
Just in limbo if anyone can tell

Away in mind you have been
Lost to the air that crushes in
Left to the end of the night
Your return would be a welcome sight
Don't you read me now
Even I don't know me somehow
As I feel at arms length
Reach out my dear, bring me in

© Rahul Chidambaran 2015

My Problem

I can see that I'm rebellious
Though I'm no good for myself
Feeling the craving of my vices
Fear of falling in the crisis

All my problems are just mine
Small or big, evil or benign
Trying to not be an extreme
I'm not the me I'd foreseen

Give me new ones before the old
I can't face them and be bold
Losing me on the way to Eden
I've got no soul in this dead end

These problems are mine alone
Just type them out to later ignore
Sheeple in the rat race to bide my time
Turn into a wolf when it's just right

Concede

Disappear for a moment or longer
Lose myself to find me once again
But I can't fly over the ocean yonder
So I'm back in my circular end

Struggle to find my space to breathe
No room to stretch my wings in here
And so my freedom I must concede
I'd say I knew it but I'm no seer

On days like this it all seems pointless
Can't see my walls and not feel sick
I'm not asking for any kind of excess
But I can't help but feel claustrophobic

As usual I feel again out of my depth
It's been a while since I've had my fun
Feels like all the dreams that I kept
Are staring down the barrel of a gun

Not Paradise

Walk into the park
Sitting on the slopes
Light up in the dark
Just another smoke

An alien in the land
Lost my way home
I'm not the same man
Hollow bag of bones

Easy to paint me
Fill up my guilt
My flaws I can see
Buried to the hilt

Still far I must travel
The road hot and humid
I'm just shoveling gravel
Until I find your bed 

At Sea

Keep it locked and inside

But if I can't breathe I'll die

I may sometimes exaggerate

It's all passion I dissipate

Throwing these words around

Beacons of me to be found

I refuse complete silence

Coming out blaring sirens

Write it out over here

Feelings nobody wants to hear

No ones cup of tea

Too much of all of me

Still though a work in progress

For my wicked no rest

There is no need to read

These thoughts may mislead

But it's all me you see

It is how I feel at sea

Six Months Clean

Six months in
Breathing cleaner within
Half a year down
Since your heart I found
No mystery to me
That it is you I want to see

Spread your wings
While I settle my things
Not for your will
But for myself alone still

On another trip
My mind continuous skip
Not in paradise
Just trying to make nice

Disconnect

Avoid the drink
Don't want to slip
Trying to think
About what is hip
The air isn't clear
Just dust and muck
Sometimes I fear
I might get us stuck
Roam on my own
Walking digital streets
Don't feel at home
It's too bittersweet
Ignorance no bliss
Biding my time
Need a real kiss
More than the mime
Work home work home
Days on repeat
More like a drone
Not much to see
I aim to please
Breathe in sighs
Feeling my disease
Lows and highs
Out on my boat
Forecasting disconnect
Fill the moat
Exit stage left

Paint This

Swimming underneath her hair

The beautiful mind that I love

The one that saves me from myself

The one that sees me at heart

For my life given unto her

Slip away and across the ether

Emotion to fill the infinite universe

Hold me close for better or worse

Find me deep in my head and hers

Renewable and unlimited resource

When eyes meet, to the skin that will touch

And the lips that seal our world as such

I may once more be found to exist

I may find her mind harder yet to resist