The Mental Circus 4

Easier to move when I don't remember
Simpler to be when I am not under
Somewhat at peace with my disconnect
Moving on with all due respect

Embrace the man who is not really there
Except when you hold him he is suddenly aware
Of the words that are mostly unsaid
That nearly every door is marked red

Hard to understand why I reconnected
It simply was never intended
Letting go while holding on
It's not same as moving on

Now the man just looks around
Only to find that he has not been found
To not be there now he knows is for the best
Now his mind turns off the light and exits... stage left

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011

The Mental Circus 3

Taking note of all that floats
Losing time and losing hope
However now I'm really stoked

Alone could be a state of mind
The tones invoked deep inside
'Least there's no need to dry my eyes

Mindscaping to my personal islet
While my body moves on auto-pilot
Must appreciate Ms. Violet

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011

The Mental Circus 2

Nothing to regret and nothing to forget
Feel silly for my wishes and my silly self
She said no and she asked why
Still our home did not lay down and die
I guess we're gonna be just fine

That's not all though, its not the end
Not while my my mind does circles and bends
For I write not for her and I write not about her
I write for every time that I've made this heart burn
It happens whenever I get too close to the fire
Though I must before I can trust and admire

I can rest for now perhaps
Give rest to this wretched thinking cap
Though I know not how long my peace will last
Until my mind again starts running laps

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011

 

The Mental Circus 1

The strange moments that make my heart skip a beat
I chase them not, for I cannot look for them
It is a strange thing, to feel these things
Simultaneously desiring and escaping
I do not wish for these moments
I do not wish for the opposite either
I do seek an end that ends the need for this fever
If she said no it would blow down this home of sticks n stones
If she said yes it would mean no more than it should, though it could mean everything
It is these questions followed by moments of silence that won't stay quiet
It is these thoughts that plague my mind whenever she runs by it
Sometimes I wish I could forget the way she gets into my head
Though I would hate to never remember the way she felt when we met
Now when I put my head down to rest
I know she will put my mind to the test
Though she may be unaware until the moment that my heart is bare
For as long as she is unaware, I am not really there

© Rahul Chidambaran 2011