Showing posts with label fucked. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fucked. Show all posts

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Funny Not Funny

Funny how things are usually not funny
Forever tiptoeing on the sidelines
Kicking the dirt as I look up once in a while and feel no less an outcast

Go play with the other kids they used to say
But how? Why would they want to do that?
Today as then, feeling an invisible barrier between me and the world
Still somewhat withdrawn, still somewhat in my shell
Still incomplete
Asking me what's wrong is like trying to use a lighter when the fuel has run out
Pointless and frustrating
The root of the problem is so deeply buried under the mountain that is every failure and every sadness and mythical unturned rocks that may or may not exist.
You could catch me when I fall but I may keep falling
Landing nowhere and everywhere at the same time, an implosion within an explosion
I cannot tell if I've been moving too fast or if everything else has while I stood still
Getting lost within the shoulda woulda coulda's, being left with my hands still empty
The desire to escape persists as does the burn up in ash and nicotine

Go play with the other kids they used to say
I never did really
For the times I've kicked a ball around, I couldn't tell you if I was running home or walking the plank
Then again, I couldn't tell you where home is

Funny how things are usually not funny
Forever tiptoeing on the threshold of nothing in particular
Kicking the dirt as I look up once in a while and feel no more at ease than I do at home

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Rant That Does Not Rhyme

I see where I went wrong
Looking from the outside in
The turning points being obvious
All for naught though!
I cannot rewind this
I cannot redo this
This is the end and that is all

Where do I go from here?
When do I feel okay?
Every waking inactive moment is torture
The mind does not stop thinking
It gets venomous and destructive
Seeking to poison and deteriorate only myself

All I am is cynicism
Pessimism with a side-dish of stupid hope
Starved optimism slow roasted on a stick
Looking down the dark staircase into hell
Choosing between walking down and being pushed
What does it matter anyways?
Either way, I am Fucked

Screw it.